Sunday, April 3, 2011

Things that would have been cool if I'd had a different job

Working in finance is great. I find the area interesting. it pays well, and it's generally a choice of profession that I'm very happy with.

But there are some things that I won't get to do that would have been fun.

If I'd got a job in manual labor (construction, auto work, something like that), one of the great parts would be to cross a picket line. Being a scab would be awesome. I'd walk past with my head high, punch on with any union dickheads that wanted to start something, and yell back pro-capitalist slogans: "Down with monopolies, you slacker turds", "Enjoy unemployment, losers!", "Want a pay raise? Try working harder". That would be sweet.

The other one that would have perks would be being a corporate liquidator. Most of the time it would be unpleasant, laying off poor schlubs who are wondering how they're going to pay their mortgage. But every now and again you'd get a really sweet gig, like liquidating the New York Times (or in the best possible case, the UN). I would personally deliver all the pink slips. How sweet would it be to get to bring Frank Rich into the office and yell "You fucking FIRED, Frank! Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it, 'cause you are going OUT!". Honestly, I would probably pay high 5 figures for the opportunity to take that job. I think that when their ridiculous paywall experiment fails and they file for bankruptcy and liquidation, they should auction off the right to be the liquidator. It may be the most value-producing they do for stockholders this decade.

Maybe I could just short their stock instead - it would have been a reasonable return over the last 5 years.

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