Friday, October 15, 2010

Free advice for musicians composing song lyrics

If you're ever tempted to make one of the following crimes against the English language, you should probably shoot yourself in the face. For some reason, a lot of the worst ones relate to the area of love. Behold, The Most Annoying and Clich├ęd Rhyme Schemes in the Song Lyrics World:

-Rhyming 'Maybe' with 'Baby'. Apparently equivocation is the most common sentiment people feel vis a vis their loved ones.

-Rhyming 'Making Up' with 'Breaking Up'. Oooh, such a clever contrast! When you do this, my hemorrhoids start acheing up.

-Rhyming 'Love' with 'Glove', 'Dove', 'Above' or 'Uv' (Mark Steyn had a great essay about this). For love, you're best off not putting it at the end of a line.

-Rhyming 'Die For you' with 'Lie for you' and/or 'Cry for You'. What kind of loser would want these to be their expressions of love anyway?

-In much the same fashion, rhyming 'Knees' with 'Please' (double points off if you're 'on your knees, begging please'. Get up off your damn knees and show some backbone, man!)

-Rhyming any combination of 'mad', 'bad', 'sad', glad' or 'had'. Honestly, this is so hackneyed, obvious and infuriating

Doing any of these will place you permanently on my $#!7 list - not that this on its own is reason to shoot oneself in the face, but your lack of creativity will be.

1 comment:

  1. I saw a t-shirt on a hipster chick the other day that had "Nothing rhymes with "Pirate"" on the front.

    I was going to think further about that, but got distracted by her perky nipples.