Via Hector Lopez comes a story that is full of so much fail it's hard to know where to start.
Two teenagers in Sydney somehow manage to get a nude photograph of the wife of lawyer. Rather than just get their jollies looking at it or send it to their friends, they hit upon the idea of trying to blackmail the wife into paying $15,000 for it.
No, really.
But the hilarity is only getting started.
By all accounts, the kids had given virtually no thought to the possibility that the woman might contact the police. Which, of course, she did.
The boy and girl allegedly demanded the woman leave $15,000 in a toilet cistern at a Hunters Hill hotel or they would make the photo public.
They arranged a meeting place in a hotel bathroom. You know, because if there's one thing about a money pickup location that you really really want, it's having only a single possible entrance and exit that's easily monitored from lots of locations, where lots of people are guaranteed to be milling around so you'll have no idea if you're being watched.
They were arrested after the woman's husband reported the demand to police and a covert operation was set up to catch the youths. The girl was arrested by plainclothes officers on May 30 after she walked out of the unisex bathroom of the hotel's gaming room empty handed.
Having set up this wicked location, they then decided to pick it up themselves immediately. Genius! What could possibly go wrong?
Okay, so maybe they didn't think about it ahead of time, but what about when they already realized the police were involved? Surely they tried to cover their tracks then?
About an hour after the girl was arrested the woman's husband received a call from the offenders, the court was told.
The caller said: "You used undercover cops, f ... you, f ... you. You tell (name of woman) she is dead".
Hmmm, strangely they decided to double down on their jail time by making telephone death threats to a number that SURELY was going to be monitored by the cops. An intriguing gambit!
Alright give them some credit, it's hard to think clearly when you're panicking. And frankly it's not clear how to pick a location to get the cash that would be able to foil all police efforts. Maybe that's a reason not to do it in the first place, but let's give them some leeway.
What about the basics? Surely they covered their tracks even a little?
A copy of the extortion letter received by the victim on May 29 was allegedly found by police on an Apple laptop used by the siblings. ...
The letter was allegedly saved in a file titled "threat letter MILF" less than five hours before a copy was allegedly slid under the front door of the victim's mansion in an envelope addressed to the victim and labelled "private".
Okay, this raises at least two questions.
1. Why would you save the letter? Why not just press delete? Are you trying to create a paper trail for the cops?
2. WHY, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU CALL THE FILE 'threat letter MILF'? HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MINDS???
But I haven't even gotten to the finishing touch of the story:
The teens' mother told police the laptop was used by both her children.
Thanks Mum!!!
So your children are being investigated for crimes that would put them in prison for a long time, and you're PROVIDING MATERIAL EVIDENCE TO THE POLICE TO HELP ENSURE THEIR CONVICTION! When they come asking questions, tell them to get the hell out of your house if they don't have a warrant! I guess stupid runs in the family.
I hereby sentence you both to 20 years to life for being gigantic dumbasses who are too stupid to be left to roam free in society.
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